Been one of “those” days…ah you know. Haven’t met a person in my life time that has not had a day. One of “those” days where you are glad it is over. Crawl into bed and thank God for the pillow beneath your head, the roof over your head and pray for sleep to come quickly. And that is what I did.. Sighing heavily, restless, trying to fix the pillow under my head in a comfortable position. I lay there my mind racing over the day’s events..had some really crummy moments. Not so proud moments. I began repenting for the things I didn’t do so well today, I beat myself up and think why do I try? It seems there are so many of these days here lately, when I fail so horribly. Jesus, how do you put up with me??? Trying so hard to do the right things…to follow Your example and failing so miserly, more like a huge epic failure! Oh why can’t I get it right!! Forgive me for failing You, forgive these not so good moments…we both know, Father which ones those were. Forgive me once again. I do love You so much!
That is what I think almost every night. Will I ever get it right? I go through the day and think of all the things I did wrong, all the things I did have control over, that was way less than perfect.
And now wondered how God loves me still? Lord, there has to be a better way for me to the person who reflects your Son….and wasn’t me today, just sayin’. Lord, I know you saw every bit of my day. My spirit is broken inside of me…so glad this day is over! At least here in bed, trying to go to sleep there is less of a chance I can do something wrong. Don’t want to think about it anymore, but Lord you know I do. Forgive me, Father for failing you. And please help me to get it right. In the stillness of the night, as sweet as the gentle morning dew falls, comes the grace and mercy of God. Overwhelmed, tears began to roll down my cheeks, one by one dropping on my pillow.
Laying there mentally kicking myself, God agrees with me. Yep, there were some things that you definitely could have done different…I saw and heard it all. We can work on that….I forgive you.
I am not going through and list each one of those times, because I know you already have figured it out and are more than aware of those not so great moments. But my child, let Me tell you something, let Me encourage you in this. Not everything you did today was wrong. Remember the person who had a bad day and you made them smile? Remember the one who was so depressed and sad over their life situation and you prayed with them? Remember the little boy who wanted some candy and you gave him the money to buy it? Remember this morning, our time together…while you were driving to work singing songs to Me, lifting my Name up and thanking Me for who I am? Then started praying for people you know and those you don’t? I heard and saw it also.
My dear child, not everything you did today was horribly wrong…..yes, you had some moments. Those things we can work on together…and you want to know how I can forgive you, why I said we can fix these things? It is the realization of your heart, the sorrow in your heart, the disappointment in your heart, which brought you to Me apologizing and asking for forgiveness, for direction. The sincerity of your heart and your desire to please Me. The fact that you were truly sorry for your attitude and behavior. You love Me enough to realize the errors of the day and apologize.
That speaks volumes to Me. A repentant heart I can work with. Right now, you have made My day. Just as an earthly parent loves their child, even if they behaved badly, my love for you has not changed. Sleep well, for My mercies are new every morning…and the morning will bring with it a new challenge, new opportunities to learn, improve and walk the path I have chosen for you. Sleep my little one….tomorrow we’ll try this again.
P.S. I love you too, more than you will ever know.
© Simply Consider This, 2013.